little confession of a skinny man

2007-06-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

miss the spot

2007-04-28T15:50:00.000+08:00

which is better;
wordpress or blogspot?

for a change

2007-04-27T01:19:00.000+08:00

moved to wordpress.

rainbow friend

2007-04-18T19:18:00.000+08:00

came across this video. i thought he was the hawaiian guy who went for
one of the seasons of american idol audition. i realised that i was being
racist in a way when i thought about it. anyway, i listened and it was good.
i like the lyrics, simplicity of the music, and how the song sounds meaningful.
'somewhere over the rainbow' has been one of my favourites and some
times i would hum it when i'm in a jovial mood. classics rock some times.

the late israel "bruddah iz" kamakawiwo'ole had sang it well.
he died of weight-related respiratory illness at the age of 38.
the last part of the video was the funeral where his ashes were
scattered at makua beach. he was the only non-politician who
was accorded with the half-staff of the hawai'i state flag.

like one said,"take it easy isreal, hope you've found your rainbow friend".

where got?!

2007-04-15T02:33:00.000+08:00

you know, people mostly from my religion used to say that
the faith we are into is great, because we don't pray to stone.
i have been itching to say back, since when i was a kid,
that every religion seemed to be praying to stone, really.

we, the muslims, may also be interpreted kowtowing to a rock.
trace the direction of where 5-times-a-day prayers are headed to.
of course, our god is not the (cubic) stone. neither are the gods other
people are believing in. worshipping requires a medium, anything
they could relate to when praying to/communicating with their god(s).

god is everywhere and that's a better answer to a singlish lame joke:
ah-mat: (saying something that questions ah-beng's thoughts)
ah-beng: no lah, where got?!
ah-mat: god('s) upstairs lah.
i find the senario funny yet sad. ah-mat tried to correct ah-beng's
bad usage of language by making a lame remark of it but he was also
making a fool of himself. god's upstairs?! that's enlightening.

i think life isn't about comparing whose religion is more pure
but more of accepting the fact that we are living with many people
of different beliefs, like it or not. also, please know a difference
between religion and politic, even though both seem to be fused
together so well when there's a propaganda behind the message.

yellow!

2007-04-15T01:46:00.000+08:00

managed to scrape what's left in the old pc that was given to my cousin.
most of the files were originally from my 'lost' nokia 6230 phone ages ago;
images which were mostly abstracts and videos that supposed to be funny.
kinda miss my old phone, or rather the functions of it. yea, most probably.

well, i'm sort of waiting for my sis to get a new phone cos she claimed
that she'll give me the one she's currently using. it's a good phone, i shall say.
i don't really know or give a shit what model it is as long as it has these:

1) mp3 player; my player had just died in the washing mashine. it sucks when
there's no music playing in my head, especially during long trips to school.

2) mp4 player; i love comedy and used to have lots of them in the 6230 hp.
it a "must-have"; an instant mood lifter, even though the effect is short term.

3) camera; making silly videos and of course, shooting abstracts.

4) calendar organiser; let's just say my brain has limited space for memory.

5) alarm; ok, all hp these days have alarms BUT i can only respond to few.
don't know why and there's got to be other reason than the ringtone, i hope.

6) external memory (drive); to me, internal memory sucks, no matter how big
it is, cos datas can be lost 'permanently' should anything happen to the phone.

just realised that my hp line plan has already ended, which means that i could
get a better offer when buying a hp if i wanna extend the plan. don't really
think that i would change my number unless someone is stalking me.

these are two videos taken during year one. the board games like 'risk'
seemed cool and even russel peter's racist jokes were considered hilarious.
jun teck, shafi, and i were staying over at ashuk's place. i was wearing
the 'cute' mask mostly throughout the night and i was winning the game.
so pardon my one-night-insanity and the poor quality of the video.
what the fuck do you expect? 6230 was 'the thing' then, you know.

ashuk's not funny story whilst me trying to be funny.

i was winning!

benign ending

2007-04-14T00:44:00.000+08:00

last day of itp has been somewhat... odd.
it was only today that the confusion of love-hate relationship
between me and work (colleagues and tasks) finally set in.

good shits:

- aeroplanes; i see them take-off and land every day.
i have never got sick of it. still amazed at how such mass is able to
be lifted off and fly in the air. favourite model is B777-200. = )

- flight attendants; silk air stewardesses are hotter than sia. trust me.
slk's uniform is more simple but it's more down to earth. ok-ok, i can't
find any description that's apt. maybe i'm into simple stuff. couldn't really
deny that sia's is kinda sexy. the slit is so high up. (not that i wanna see
or something but... i just noticed it unintentionally. long story, i shall say.)

- pilots; friendly and humble ones could inspire you a lot.

- engineers; good people to talk to even though the chance of me
being one is lower now because i'm trying out for other aviation job.

- inspections; no more behaving like one big ass in front of the
staff at the gates and aprons. aww.. gonna miss that chance. haha.

- flexible attire; polo tees are acceptable, really.

- related to my course; aviation rules la, ya dey.

- access to the transit; might be one of the best place to have
your meal. the service is well... better than those in town.

- colleagues; they are great. my gpa is the lowest - 3.41. fuck.

bad shits:

- mundane office work sometimes; can't escape from it.

- slow days; may seem good, but i prefer a more happening environment.

- i don't get any A for my weekly report and that sucks big time.

- politics and i don't see a need to explain further.

so-so-so. that's it. i'm actually relieved now.
somehow i'm glad it's over - the internship, i mean.
school starting this monday at 8 in the morning. another fuck.

movin'

2007-04-12T00:46:00.000+08:00

i think it's time to learn popping.
don't ask why.

oh, and get my bike license asap;
most of my friends have already got it. =(

she's on the wrong page

2007-04-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

it didn't take long for me to glance through today's newspaper until something
from the obituaries section caught my eyes for a moment. there, was a photo
of quite an attractive lady, published in a notice of her death. what actually
held me to read her obit was mainly because of our similar age. she was
smiling to the camera, and frankly then i really hoped that she'd be in heaven.

you see, people - or is it just me - don't really give a shit about what the person
had done (especially ones we didn't like) once he/she passed away. period.
i can't deny i disliked my late grandpa when he was alive but things changed
as i realised maybe he needed some respect, or love, before (and after) he left.
maybe it applies to all, that nobody wants to be alone upon reaching death.

so if you still have that hatred towards the dead, that's got to be a problem
and i really feel sorry for you. moving on isn't hard to any degree. trust me.
all you have to do is take a deep breathe and just let it go. move on. i did.

goddess of merci

2007-04-09T00:46:00.000+08:00

apparently my maid has gotten into some urban shiseido competition.
she told me to publicise about it, of which i (had to) willingly accept.
i thought it's best to put it in my blog, instead of spreading it to the rest
through msn, where i'll have to tell my friends who she is... who she is to me...
what she's doing... what is the competition about... what's urban shiseido...

i don't know much about the competition, much less about urban shiseido.
you didn't check out all about taufik/hardy's life before voting, right?
if it's a talent competition, then i guess we just have to go for that quality.
you wouldn't want gurmit to keep saying,"this is a TALENT competition".

ok ok. don't sidetrack. it's a make-up contest.
simply put - they put it on, they posed. you like her/them, you vote.
come to think of it, the last time i voted via sms was 3 years back.

a group shot that was in the april 5th straits times urban.
melissa is the one in red with the buddha rosary,
standing on the extreme right.

so-so-so, vote for melissa!

just text
UrbanShiseido<space>5<space>YourNRIC<space>YourName
to 77877

10 voters get to win $500 shiseido hamper each!
each sms costs 20cents. terms and conditions apply.

i'm living great

2007-04-05T00:35:00.002+08:00

at last, i got psychology as elective module for this coming semester.
had been trying to grab it since year one. kinda funny though, that i was
supposed to be jumping-for-joy once the registration was done but i didn't.
maybe i'm already tired of hoping for such thing to happen. yea, that's why.

all of the gems i had applied for are mostly related to the study of mind
- or close; negotiation skills, arguments, and body proportionality.
to be frank, i could see myself as a shrink once in a while, and some times
even thinking of studying human science... or art... or fine arts. = )

...but i guess those would just continue existing as what they call..."dreams",
mainly because i can't invest my time and money (that i don't have at all)
and hope i could go far with my artistic side full-time. still, that doesn't
mean that i would discard or even avoid my passions. they're in me.
i will nurture them bit by bit, not as progressive as studying aviation.

the reason i'm into aeronautical engineering isn't because i wanna be a pilot
when i was a kid - surprise, surprise - but because of its good guaranteed
prospects in singapore and abroad. my childhood was all about drawing,
painting, and going for competitions (not many but it was cool to me then).

being a flight operations inspector/intern was enlightening. i learned a lot
and starting to love the aviation industry. really, man. it's so fucking touching.
there are many things that you could do in the line besides a pilot, engineer,
or even inspector. actually, flight steward is a choice for you if you're into
f&b (food and beverages). i'm not, but like i said, there are many types
of jobs, and you know what? your pocket will be always full, or overloaded.

my supervisor always pays for my meals and even buys us pacific drinks.
my colleagues and i took the chance to try out every flavour. funny shit.
captain is now overseas but i couldn't expect myself doing nothing.
in fact, there are more assignments lately this week. i'm not complaining
at all because the tasks are somewhat interesting and new.

i'd realised that i have not been complaining much about the workplace.
ok, here's something 'bad' - politics. that's just it. i'm living great.

faces

2007-03-29T01:38:00.000+08:00

i guess this was best shot among millions we'd taken - fine, six. -
because i had put an effort to use all my face muscles, i think.

oh, that's my maid, rosey. she speaks bloody fast.

i'm an foi

2007-03-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

this was part of my last week's report.
it's a gear for ramp/apron inspection.

had another inspection today with another two students tagging along.
(ok, i'm considered an intern too but let's just say i'm much more experienced.)
it was already too late when i realised that having too many people for the
inspection caused lots of fucking precious time being wasted. sorry capitaine.

anyways, after the cockpit and cabin were cleared, we moved on to the apron
where we were checked again by another security. i would say it's kinda
rare cos we were normally checked once by the departure gate and that's it.
nobody wants a stranger to run his hands on his/her body. no way, man.
so i thought that guy must be having his monday blues in his bloody head.

we then walked around the aircraft, looking for any defects. none. SIA rocks.
i brought along a camera, to take some shots for my weekly reports and ta-da!
another security got agitated, asked questions and followed anywhere we went.

there are two plausible reasons:
1) the officer might be new and didn't know much about ramp inspection.
2) she's k-po. the only time an inspector brings a camera is mostly because
there will be a high possibility that something is really wrong with the aircraft.

"shukri?" the monday-blue-officer called me just before we're about set off.

me and the four inspectors looked at him, waiting for him to do something,
like maybe confiscating my camera for no valid reason. i had to admit
i was kinda shocked, thinking he might really take away my camera. he didn't.

"i've seen you before," he said. ok, that's common. many people had
seen me before but-didn't-know-where. he striked a conversation, which
was at least better than taking my camera. lots of stuff in it, dude.

i tried to think. ~~brother's friend?~~ ~~my friend?~~ i don't know! "cdc, right?"
cdc means comfort driving centre, where i'm having my bike lessons.
it's a safe guess, you know. most of the guys who acknowledged me
are taking bike lesson (or maybe they have already had their license now.)

we talked only for a while because the others were waiting for me.
how he ended the conversation was the most unexpected.
"by the way, that officer said you're cute." i looked back and there she was,
in security uniform, a cute girl. hahaha. really, man. she's cute.

i just smiled at her and didn't say anything. the other inspectors then
looked at her, who was caught off guard. it was an awkward moment.
good things must come to an end; we had to rush to the other side of
the airport - "post inspection", we call it. it's actually having tea at a cafe.

so that's it. a long ass entry after days of not blogging.

open and close

2007-03-21T00:05:00.000+08:00

had a chat with azhar last night on msn. the conversation started of
with him asking about bike's traffic police (tp) test or something like that.
azhar started going for the license late last year, months after i enrolled.
he's now preparing for tp test soon. holy fuck.

i am, as of now, still in prac 6 and have not even bought the pdl at all.
it's been two months since i last rode a bike at cdc (illegal ones excluded).
a common reaction aroused within me (and i don't mean sexually), and it
struck me very deep into the head, telling me that something about it should
be done real quick. there is no point of delaying unless because of one lame
excuse that's been somewhat convincing to me, until now - that i am "broke".

money is already pouring in and i'm thinking of visiting cdc this weekend.
i hope, i pray, and i'm gonna be bloody sure that i won't splurge all my salary
on other yet "important" stuff such as shoes... and pants... and tees... etc.
first thing first - buy the black adidas shoes for $129 bucks. =)

back to azhar. i tried to change the subject and talked about our attachment.
found out that he's doing telemarketing; promoting aka selling credit cards.
he complained about all the shits he and his colleagues went through and
there came a time when i thought he was close to depression. he's not.

he also told me that there's even a student drawing spongebob and patrick
for his itp weekly report and wrote "i leave it to fate". my heart dropped.
it kinda sad for an aeronautical student to be "nominated" into such field.
ok, there are also other people being attached to industry not related to their
course of study, but i empathise my aero friends more as compared to others.

to me, working for an aviation company is a great privilege. take my case
for an example: i'm having my itp with caas and all we talk about every day
are somewhat related to aerospace; a380, 777, 747, flight simulation etc.
at least it sums up as a cool memory just in case i'm not into aero in future.
work's fucking fun man, really. will introduce my office soon. =)

audio tapestry

2007-03-17T18:28:00.000+08:00

woah! i actually have a player online! it was time to cleanse my explorer then;
filtering bookmarks (and deleting away those that were "inappropriate". heh.),
when i came across isound, my player's site. three music were composed
and then made ages ago by using guitar pro 4, a fuck'd up program that
only provides simple intruments and stuff.not a thing for you if you're a deejay.
i'm not one either but those were the days i-really-had-nothing-better-to-do.

kinda looking for sets of chord progressions lately and there has not been much
progess... yet. got lots of stuff to do these days and one of them is waiting
for my pay. yes, i have still not gotten my pay... yet. pphhaaaaaaaaaaarrrrk!

tra-la-la, tra-la-la...

2007-03-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

thanks for the wishes; from the simple short greetings to those that
are two-message long. some had sent exactly by midnight (or close)
whilst others 'surprised' me suddenly when i was sleeping. god.
a couple would go further by dropping me a call. thanks all, again.
i really appreciate them.

so-so-so, nothing much really happened today (besides one daredevil
stunt i tried on the road, leaving the driver cursing, i think) but that's okay.
i was supposed to get my pay this evening but the boss was on mc.
she won't run away. besides, i'll have nubs to extort the money from. =)

was kinda disappointed about the change of plan, but i got home
with a surprise cake by my family. totally didn't really expect that.
it was an instantaneous change from the "famously-known" constipated
look to a fucking wide smile. i even managed to sing the birthday song
along with them. hmm... haha. ooooook. can't believe i really did that.

there goes away my plan of buying a pair black pants and a tee tonight.
saw one nice tee from queens (or something) and pants (from a store in
paragon) after my first proper dinner with le raine at steakhouse last night.
can't remember the names but will get the apparels once the pay's in.

i'm saying as if my pay is a lot... but that's what i'm hoping for anyway.

to this date; on that date

2007-03-14T00:20:00.000+08:00

ok ok. few minutes to my birthday and here it goes:

i'm gonna make this entry as fucking short as possible, mostly
because i'm trying to post it up by the zero-second of march 14.

another year is about to pass and it has come to my attention that
i've not been socialising that much, making the year boring as hell.
there're good stuff but it doesn't have much impact to look back upon.

as of now, i'm having the thought of going clubbing this saturday (17/3)
with anyone... as in you, you, you and you. well, 'you' actually meant
for people that i know who happen to read this blog of mine.
mos had sent me an email last week:

i have to apply 3 days in advance - today!

sooooo... just text or email me if you're up for it. i think 50bucks each is
enough cos we all might just share up the cost together or something.
that night wouldn't be about my birthday, of course, but an excuse to do
some catching up with you guys. i'm fucking serious right now, man.
start saving and help me out. now go!

emo shit

2007-03-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

there's nothing much to do at work, and captain wong is overseas,
leaving me and mr k with no assignments until he returns on thursday.

so i spent the day in my cubicle creating desktop wallpapers using
only powerpoint, and thought of elaborating a chosen one out of the few.

this is the first and the simplest, and i thought it would be the last.
i was wrong. the boredom was too overwhelming and i really had to continue.

so i thought,"this loner ass must have a way to hang himself"...
i gave him a chair and a lamp, just in case he wanna stare into it
and believe that he would be in heaven during his after-life and stuff.

after lunch, i realised i had to give this bloke some benefit of the doubt;
he needed a reason to take his life away. i made a desk full of paperwork.

the last two are just two themes to support the red tie he's been wearing.
that's it. it was then a couple of minutes away to clock out.

went to bugis to return the long overdue books i'd rented weeks ago.
it so happened that there was a book fare there at bras basa.
i bought three books just before i rushed to meet my friends for a movie
screening of '300'. pretty good shit but the ending's kinda the 'oh my god'
reaction in a not so good way. you might have already guessed the ending.

neighbour's call

2007-03-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

"hello?" it was 2.30 am.

"hello. shuk, are you still awake?" of course the fuck i am. you had
just woke me up. i was about to say that, you know, but it's a girl. = )

"errr... ya. was about to sleep though... what's up?"

she was being apologetic."sorry (x8). i need your help."
ok. by the way, some girls do just call at that fucking hour
just because they need a listening ear. i don't mind normally
but that caller wanted me to print out a set of her proposals
and give it that bloody night. that's the first.

"wait a minute. who's this?" yes. i asked that.

"-essa." i didn't hear the first part of the name. i had to ask
again also because i just got to know a girl and wouldn't
expect her to call, especially at that bloody hour.

"vanessa." oh, chey. at least it rhymes, i guess. vanessa's
my neighbour and used to be one of my cadet during
an ncc specialist course at hq ang mo quee or something.
i would bring her out for supper normally after clubbing because
i'm always hungry then and need to sober up before i'm home.
i think she heard my disappointment over the phone. heh.

took a look at the proposal after getting the stuff printed.
kinda amatuer-ish but somehow made me miss ncc... not! hahaha.
we met with her 'sorry (x8)' and i told her to get to sleep.
yes. i do nag at her some times. she's 17 this year, i think.

just after we parted, i quickly walked to my room and jumped
(yes. jumped!) to my bed. it took me about an hour to sleep. fuck.

catastrophic phobia

2007-03-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

hmm... i think you're wrong when you said i'm a 'playboy', you know.
i felt insulted actually. i don't think that knowing couple of girls at a time is
as you assumed, wrong. seriously, girl. it's just socialising for fuck's sake.
i don't woo them if that's what you wanna know. i'm not wooing you too.
we are just friends, mah. tuey pu, tuey? well, come to think about it,
you're the one better named as 'playboy' (or 'bitch' for a girl, that is).

dear my confused friend, here's something you should know:
i'm still far away from a stage that requires a commitment towards a lady.
dating is healthy even though i'm suck at it, and lazy when it comes
to wooing. no kidding. when i sense that there's a probability of
coming to a relationship, i basically back out and that's about it.

what actually refrain me from having a relationship is the constant
thinking that i might not be good enough for her or vice versa, really.
(apart from knowing that i can't see another girl when i'm attached.)

i'm still not into the 'fuck buddies' concept yet; they call it 'open relationship'.
it might take awhile cos it still seems somewhat ethically wrong to me.

by the book

2007-03-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

i replaced the picture of the girl with the one i tried
posing as acbc (act cute; beh cute) as possible. heh.

blistering sun goes down

2007-03-06T00:20:00.000+08:00

we seldom fail to curse all the hard knocks of the week;
too much load at work, deadening mundane assigments,
and maybe missing the chances that seemed rare then.
how we wish things have gone our way, and so we sigh.

life can never always be as planned, you know.
it may look beyond our reach at times; 'all the time' to some.
still, to prevail against the odds until the end... or close,
sets the suspiration more rhythmic than before.

oh, you know what i mean.
cheers to the captains.

flyers descent

2007-03-04T01:34:00.000+08:00

i tried to rearrange the blog links (in 'eports') chronologically;
most probably based on the moment i said my first 'hi' to them, or
maybe just a smile across, because i was just too shy to talk. heh.
the reordering made me have a couple of flashbacks and sadly
i have to admit that i ended up remembering things i regretted doing.

anyway, i wonder why lovers like to have joint-account to their site;
blog, friendster, what ever, and the ones doing it are ALL the girlfriends.
no surprise. still, i can't wait to see what the sites would look like when
their relationship turns sour. no offence, though. just... curious, you know.

ikea

2007-03-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

"if you lose, you lose; if you win, you win; but don't lose this way."
- coach carter.
that's one of my principle in life and i was smiling when he said that.
it's like a ditto feeling, man; i'm not the only wise ass to come up of that.

i went to ikea alone, thinking of getting a huge pin-up board for my sketches.
the journey itself was very annoyingly tiring because i had waited bus 168
for about half an hour, only to realise that 27 passes ikea too. 'thanks', mum.
plus, it wasn't a comfortable ride; the traffic jam caused to bus to repeatedly
halt in a sudden. at that time i was already pissed. i was also about to puke.

here's a tip: get a map if you're unsure about a location. i mean, there's
a difference of being adventurous, and looking stupid with the word 'lost'
imprinted on your face. know your bearings and you'll enjoy the place.
the first thing i did when i entered the warehouse was getting a map.

funnily, i still got lost and it's not because i couldn't find the zone but rather
trying to search for the pin-up board. so i asked the staff very fucking nicely
and they just simply show me the way. simple, but many don't do this. really.
ego fuckers. haha. no offence, though. yea, i know. you guys are adventurous.

...and you know what? i bought 2 huge pin-up boards for $9 each and a white
designer's chalkboard at a discounted price of $19 (originally $29). that's it.
i'm broke again but (i think) i got what i wanted for now. they would be my
first set of birthday gift and i hope it won't be the last. i prefer cash, honestly. =)

theresa can't go to hell

2007-02-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

a friend and i were talking about religion on our way home,
which i had hoped that shouldn't have happened. why so?
well, it's because 'rules' implemented by religion are fixed,
and there is no grey line, so it's either you're right or wrong.

"it's kinda sad, you know, that mother theresa's going to hell",
i said empathically. for what i know, non-muslims will end in hell
and that applies to muslims who have sinned too.

"well, it's fact of life ah", he replied instantly.

you may call me a hippie cos i was actually thinking of great people
like her, who are non-muslims, doing good deeds to other people,
ending up being engulfed in flames until the call of judgement day.
on the other hand, that belief is practised by the christians too
but it doesn't make any religion look better, nor worse.

i shall not elaborate more about this issue cos there is no end to it.
what's more important is getting my bike license, and for that, major
saving starts now even though i don't have the motivation to complete it.
sort of decided not to get a bike while i'm studying in poly. too poor, lah!

spasm

2007-02-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

a sudden burst of energy, activity, or emotion.

i really need to let out, the angst and/or fervour, and
the restlessness repressed by the halo above me,
for happiness might be one i have longed to savour.

how could a speculation warrant the hoped promising?
maybe, for all i'm worth, for what it's worth, is to give a try
until one day, when i think it's really the time, to move on.

red and blue at a purple wedding

2007-02-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

i had spent the start of my weekend at my cousin's humble wedding and
the reason i described it as such was because the event was proclaimed
by the host, my maternal uncle, himself, as a low-budget one. i raised my
eyebrow every time my mom told me about the last minute ceremony.

call me narrow-minded, but what would you think when you're told that
your 21 year old cousin is suddenly getting married in two months' time?
welcome, if our thoughts are similar, that there's a slight possibility of the
event to be as close as what is traditionally labelled as 'shotgun marriage'.

luckily, it's not for my cousin's case; not that i'd checked for pregnancy test.
it's because of other reasons which were more or less sensible than the first,
and one of them, or rather the cause itself, was they loved each other,
and for that, i wished for the best as their life had just evolved as one.

back to the wedding, my heart dropped as i arrived at the place. i mean,
the plot was really simple... too simple... the low-budget kinda simple thing
and pardon me if i might have sound materialistic but you would understand
when you're there, and perhaps you should be there too so that i would have
someone talk to about what i had been thinking during the whole two days there.

so my dad and i tried to make things more appealing during the eve and
there wasn't much to be done because the budget was fucking tight.
that's the reason i don't like the idea of marrying young; especially when
you're not even financially prepared to take care of yourself, and i think
that's already a clue to describe what a couple my cousin and her husband are.

anyways, it was really nice being a (paid) cameraman; nice girls around you
mostly because they cam-whore almost during every moment they can.
there was a lady kept smiling at me and the reason i still remember it, was
because of her braces and her daughter. so i thought, a milf into me huh?
fucking 'great'. the only milf that i would love to have an affair with is my
neighbour. haha. really. she's cute and sort of the girl-next-door. just that
she's living next door but i won't elaborate much on my dirty random thoughts.

back to that milf; i talked to her on the last night and learnt that she was not
married, as in the man she's with was her boyfriend and the girl wasn't her
daughter. wasn't a lie, i guessed, cos she didn't told me that. my mom did.
what we found out that was she thought she had seen me before. (she was
still smiling. in fact, she's fucking smiling all the time when we talked.)

"i think i've seen you before," she said. "you've been to downtown lately?"

she was referring to pasir ris costa sands resort but at first, i thought she
had got the wrong guy because i didn't hang out there. downtown?!

"err... hmm," i tried to think hard. "well, i had been to a chalet there..."

then i remembered. she was the one serving me then. ok, not 'served'
as in doing that thing... if you know what i mean, but by the reception desk.
she was there when my classmates and i had our 3d2n chalet there.

"i've seen you before too!" the little girl interrupted joyfully. we laughed
and had quite an awkward but pleasant time for a while cos her boyfriend
was there and i didn't want any complication and flirting that tiring night.

another funny incident that happened was me being matchmade to
several girls but i didn't mind if i'm married to this one gorgeous girl.
she gonna graduate from singapore polytechnic, doing her
diploma in civil engineering. small world indeed but heck.

that's all, i think. not too bad, not too good. just a good weekend spent.
reminded me of a barista-soldier describing how to make a perfect coffee,
"...never be too coarse, never to fine." and i need coffee now.

enjet-enjet semut

2007-02-23T20:18:00.001+08:00

this was sent by a long lost friend of mine, salihin.
it was basically an editted version of a malay song sung by kids
when playing the game itself. the chorus is the original version.
'enjet-enjet semut' is a very lame actually, come to think of it.
even so, it was one of those (silly) things that i did when i was a kid.
i did have fun then but don't ask me why now. click the picture to watch.

does this describe the malay community in singapore? maybe.
the flash is funny and has several 'facts' about us malay now.
it kinda sound belittling; my race is regarded as less progressive.

still, i was smiling all the time while watching it
and i think that's what matters then.

f u C k !

2007-02-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

i felt so free. finally. i was having the whole cubicle to myself at last... at last.
mr-k has taken a half-day off cos he had to go to his school for an interview
- "merit medallist" for high achievers in academics. a four-pointer (or close).

i searched for my earphones, plugged them to the speaker and listened to
songs played by bands i'd just heard of. well, it's not that i was unaware of
their existence but rather i didn't know they were the ones playing the songs.
for example, i'd just learnt that "make damn sure" was by "taking back sunday"
and that reminded me of my friends trying to sing it, or saying it hoarsely.
i couldn't get it - why should people who can't sing a song, intentionally make it
sound like a total mess, as if the song sucks but not themselves? i wonder.

back to work, i started with the audit before mr-k put his hands on it (and
everything in the office will seem to slow down). you know what i mean. heh.
captain wong came and told me to check some documents; licenses, ratings etc.
he brought along my internship log book, one that had to be updated with
weekly reports and grading by my supervisor, who was captain wong himself.

i had to figure out what he was trying to say cos he's a person who talks fast.
he told me to elaborate the daily tasks i had stated in my report, but i later
explained to him that i had to only write about one task each week. just one.
the funny thing was i had told him many times. really. many times. old boy,
and oh boy, i saw something at the corner of my eye - C grade! oh boy.
he gave me a C and at that time i was taken off guard. holy shit, man. C!

i got it figured out that he insisted on getting more information about the daily
tasks and to show some examples which could be attached to the log book. ok.
first of all, i'm a wise ass and prepared for this to happen, except the C though.
so i took out the file that had everything i had learnt so far and he was shocked,
and he was actually embarrassed because he realised that he was wrong.

he went quiet for a few seconds which felt like quite a long time cos i was
expecting some change to the grade. holy fuck. a C-grade! the only module
that i wanted to have C was 'fundamentals of flights' cos i was expecting worst.
captain wong sort of panicked, and tried to change the topic of our talk,
which was kinda impossible unless the log book was put away. it wasn't.
he tried to give more detailed documents but it went wrong (again) as he
had lost/misplaced the papers and told me to zap the blank ones that i kept.

at the end of the day, there was no change to the C-grade. captain wong
had to rush for a meeting and i had to finalise the audit. too bad, huh?
yesterday, mr-k showed me games that was stored in the computer;
'crazy taxi,' and some gameboy colour games that can be played in pc.
just as captain wong left along with his colleagues, the office was quiet.
some voices started to chatter in some cubicles, front desks staff gossiping.
i scored and made a 25th standing in the 'crazy taxi'. then i began
to continue reading a book called 'the broker' by john grisham. so far, so good.
...and you know what? imo songs suddenly sounded melodious then.

just noticed the entry is kinda long... oh well...

black pants

2007-02-21T22:31:00.000+08:00

it took a while for me to convince myself to get a new pair of black pants.
i've been juggling with only four pants (not denim) - black, beige, brown, and
dark brown - but only use two of them because the rest aren't in good cut,
you know. sadly, the better ones are not black cos things would be totally
different; you can wear the same black pants every day and people won't
notice much but choosing beige or brown on the consecutive days is a no-no.
i guess i'm gonna sound like a himbo for now but that's the whole point of it;
a way to reason my doubts and listen to the voice of the self-conscious in me.

so i'm using the two pants to last for the week and that's kinda hard especially
when i have to work in an "office attire". beige for monday; tuesday is brown;
back to beige for wednesday; and brown again on thursday. friday is the day
i'm always looking forward to every week (apart from welcoming the weekend)
cos we get to come in an appropriate set of casual clothes - jeans! i love fridays.

anyway, besides that dilemma, another valid excuse i could come out with is
me getting them for gigs. black is the simplest yet the most suitable colour for
any event and that's it! writing an entry about black pants is kinda lame but
i'm high now; audit is finishing soon and i hope it would be done by tomorrow.

i'm trying to be very oblivious to the dirty politics going in the office but
people are surfacing their biasness against/towards each other openly. to me,
it's much wiser to be in the neutral zone cos you'll get to enjoy the two worlds,
even though it won't be the best of them but still, you know you're safe.
like i had said before, i would only prefer those who are useful to me.
well, that's life and something you've got to understand.

arts ethics

2007-02-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

i re-inverted the colours of my sketches back to their original form
cos the recent ones are nicer in without much changes (digitally).
to be frank, i would normally look at my sketches frequently when i'm done
and it's much based on looking for ways to improvise the works until
i think it's good enough (or rather, the fact that i've become bored of it). heh.

i hate people drawing exactly what other's have already come up. seriously.
what i mean is sketching cartoons - pikachu, gundam, hello kitty. what ever -
and doing it all the fucking time. they're like robots with no creativity beyond,
stating that there's no originally when comes to doing your art. your own art.

it's fine if it's your career; well, you're told to do so and you're paid for that.
but if you happen to be in the group of people who think that they are doing so
because they don't have the talent of making something new, then you've
just self-proclaimed yourselves as a loser. really. you just gave up.

having the ability to mimic others' artwork is already a bloody good talent,
and i envy those with that cos i have to admit that i'm amateur in drawing,
but me setting my own way to carry out my artwork is what makes us different.
in the world of arts, i'm ethically better.

oh yea. happy chinese new year.
a slightest thought of drawing a pig just flickered in my mind.

engineer's a 2nd choice

2007-02-18T00:52:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna put the thought of going for commercial pilot course
(before setting myself to be an aircraft engineer) back into my head.
working in the flight crew licensing department has got me
thinking of being a pilot instead; the simulator, advices from
the ex-pilots and also what people call it as "passion".
plus, i'm already studying several subjects that will be covered
during the pilot course itself. i'm pretty much more determined.

air force is trying to encourage me to join the senior technician team.
they sent me a poster regarding about their coming seminar
and a spot-the-difference contest for an ipod lucky draw.
it's fucking easy. i think the game is more for the teenagers
who have just graduated from their o-levels and having a
bond would be one of the things-to-be-considered in their head.

try not to be fooled with the ads.
i was, and i hope i will never be.

matchmaker

2007-02-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

"i don't know why i keep thinking of you even though
it's been ages since the last time we met.
i miss your smile, girl. i really do. i miss you.

you've been always busy while i'm over here sitting in
the bus we used to take during our school days.
it's an odd feeling now that you're not next to me.
i wish i would bump into you but it never happens.

yea, i know. we know that we've moved on.
that's what you said the last time we met.
that's what i had said to myself too...
but i miss your smile, girl. i really do.

so has the guy won your heart yet?
cos he told me he was wooing you then and
you know what? i gave him my best wishes.
it's like a deja vu. what's different is i won't have you now.

funnily, you confessed that he's after you the last time we met
but you seemed like you're not into it. i was glad somehow
because you didn't know that i was behind it this time.
may be because we are not as close as before...
but i miss your smile, girl. i really do."

i'm still a bloody matchmaker.

cubicles

2007-02-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

|cubicles|

it has been a very stressful week (of which i had actually brought upon myself).
frankly, i'm a person who prefers to do his tasks alone and that (i think) makes
me a perfectionist; precautious most of the time yet risky when spot a chance.
i want things to be done fast but neat (or neat but fast. what ever.), whether
i'm the leader or the team player; be it your way or mine. i don't waste time.

you see, i am assigned to prepare for a coming audit protocol set by icao
(international civil aviation organisation) and my brain is already strained,
not because of the load given, but the growing of restlessness in me, because
my partner is, well, not quick; and that becomes a problem. a major problem.

he's a senior who has just finished 5-month internship with the company and
is continuing his service while waiting for national service this coming june.
i'll just refer him as mr-k. there's another guy also in the same spot but he's
with another department even thought we're in the same office. he's mr-e.

mr-e gets better tasks than mr-k because mr-e does better job then mr-k.
i am working with mr-k because mr-k is my partner.
i get the same tasks as mr-k; so we have to do them together.
i can't get things done fast because mr-k is... slow. slow!
he fucks (as in beats) around the bush just to get things right.
"great", huh? just fucking "great"...

there are several ways to save myself:
[1] make him get out of the office and quickly finish the work as much i could.
[2] do a psychological-thing that makes him do my way without him realising.
[3] visit the washroom, have some coffee and ricola sweets, and
try step [1] and [2] again all over again. =)

|mundaneaudit|

to date

2007-02-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

one asked,"so do you have a date tonight?"
and i said,"sadly, no. i just remembered it's valentine's on the way to work."

the other asked,"so, where are you going later?"
and i said,"shopping."

she asked,"wah, you're having a date ah?"
and i said,"no lah. just gonna buy some stuff."

he asked,"kau takde date ke?"
and i said,"tak ah."

another said,"this dinner is for the fools (he's referring to the 'singles')
at home while others are out there celebrating valentine's"
and i said,"haha..." what is the fucking big deal about it? hey, come on.
valentine's isn't a big deal. my sis' bday is, which is tmr,
(and i think i'm gonna give her a great gift or just some good treat.)

anyway, the trip to tampines mall was, well, annoying cos
i was really broke and needed to buy some polo tees for work.
then, i got kinda envious of the lovebirds in the queue as the girlfriends were
busy buying the apparels for their guy while i was paying for the two polo tees
with only a hundred bucks in my wallet. (i hope the money could last for the week.)

still, there were several sights that just make my day - valentine's bloopers!
it's funny, girls hugging onto their big teddy (or heart-shaped cushion)
given by their date but soon told their guy to carry it instead. what a joke!
it's either the girls were too embarrassed to carry it or it's fucking bulky.
hmm... i think it's both.

kinda pity them, you know... nah. it's wrong stuff at the wrong time.
she won't ~~like~~ (ok, fine) "love" you more than you hoped for today.
she had just found a new room mate and teddy had just become the 3rd party.
(ya, there's more to that. she'll hug it tight at night and wish it is you. bla bla...)

i mean, it's kinda hilarious, you know, looking at the teenagers doing it.
boys, you've should have just given her the day before and just leave the teddy
at her place while you and your girl could get busy with something else;
somewhere your mommy and daddy won't know, and even teddy won't see.

haha, no offence. i was just pissed cos work was such a bore today.
other than that, happy valentine's. =)

oh, yea. holy shit.
i think i had got the worst valentine's gift in my fucking life.
no further comment.

almost to heaven

2007-02-13T18:38:00.000+08:00

you know, working at the airport is actually kinda cool. i mean, i would
end up having a chat with at least one flight attendant just before work.
it's not that i would go around the terminal and bug them but
there's always a chance to have a conversation anywhere.
i don't know if it's cliche to say this but i think their smile is a wonder.
what a fucking good way to start a day. (wait. i see them all the time.)

so today was mostly spent on a340 simulator evaluation.
we even flew to melbourne, australia, for inspection sake.
the retired captain wong was still able to pilot the plane even
during intended emergencies; two engines off, flaps error etc.
there were too many people (six, i think) in the cockpit
doing the troubleshooting and i almost bored myself to sleep.

hah, here's the fun part. i did get my hands on it and did two landings;
the first was fucking smooth but the latter was a little more harsh due to,
you know, some complications encountered during the touch down. heh.
yet i aced it. that's what the people there said. "hidden talent", i guessed.
oh, by the way, each fligt session of a340 costs about $2000.

praises from wise men must never be ignored. well, these people
are professionals that don't boast about and they are serious
when doing their work (fucking serious). so when these people
suddenly said the word "he aced it", i was sort of caught off-guard.

too many smiles today especially during the inspection at stc
(singapore airline training centre). hot ladies everywhere!

i'm hoping for my airport visit pass to be accessed soon so that
i would get my hands on THE PLANES sent for line inspection
(instead of staying in the office doing the paper work).

good shit. lots of stuff learnt.

sar 7 to sar 66

2007-02-12T21:20:00.000+08:00

i'm kinda blessed to be attached to caas at right time.
plus, the supervisor i'm assigned to is a humble wise old man.
captain wong is the licensing officer for the a380 (that a380!)
and some other stuff that i'm not supposed to boast publicly.

so day one was more of getting to know each other;
me and him, me and his colleagues, me and his partners...
and i think i passed that stage - the first impression test.
the first thing he asked when we met was my status in the family.
(at that time i thought we're about to go for war. you know,
first/only son isn't eligible for high-risk operation... just kidding.)

anyway, it was over lunch when i realised that the question served more
purpose. he later explained to me the theory of younger child in the family
being more passionate... creative... words related to "productive".
one thing about wise men is you won't get much praises from them but
it was then i knew that i would be in the safe zone throughout the internship.

good shit. lots of relevant stuff learnt.

otherwise pandemonium

2007-02-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

i'm trying not to put myself into a spot which makes me to think
that i'm such a bloody racist jerk when it comes to dating.
it's just a minute confession of me liking fair-skinned girls and
i don't think that it's ethically wrong of me to be brought up as such.
if the preference's a sin, then i don't mind ending up in hell. (blasphemy!)

i was about say that i'm feeling alone (as in i miss of being attached) but
it's kinda obvious why i have the annoying desire (which is only short term).
the most apparent reason is me having too much of a free time, and/or
i'm starting to hang out with people who are or about to be in a relationship.

internship at the civil aviation authority of singapore commences tomorrow.
i'm very much looking forward to it mainly because of the tasks i'm assigned to:

i. to assist in planning line stations inspections

ii. to assist in notifying the air operators of the line inspections and
to replan when aircraft seats are not available or
where the station is unable to accommodate an inspection

iii. to assist in keeping records of line station inspection reports
- a340 fleet incidents reports
- preparation of local & overseas incident reports & follow up

iv. to assist in investigation of violation

v. to keep track of the number of surveillance reports on afe/safe

vi. to assist in audits on air operators

vii. to document and streamline the work processes, and

viii. to assist in flight crew licensing processes

...and the reason i'm typing them out isn't because i wanna show off
but a way to remember the operations and drill them deep into my head.
it seems like a lot of stuff to be done during my internship but
most probably i'll be in the office doing the data entry and
that's a fucking last thing you would wanna do for a company.
it's a shitty assignment. oh bien.

pretty petty

2007-02-04T23:34:00.000+08:00

"wah, how could you 'fly plane' sia...". that's what he said, i think.
what he actually meant was how could i stand him up.
his mood changed right after i told him about the change of plan.
alright, fine. i have to admit that it was my bad then. i stood him up.
we were on our way to dinner after spending hours studying
when i decided to meet my secondary school friends in town instead.
as expected, he used the first primal instinct - making me guilty.
i was prepared for this kinda stuff but his behaviour appalled me.

i mean, i would be okay if you're disappointed with my action
but if you wanna try and do that guilty conscience thingy (gst) for
the whole train ride, i shall say you're childish and petty.
some of you may think i was over-reacting. well, hell no.
you could see the difference between someone trying to do
that gst just for the fun of it or really go for the spite of it.

anyways, i met syafiq and fuad at far east. (i'm still confused
whether the mall is called far east plaza or far east shopping centre.)
fuad had bought a pair of brown adidas shoes for 99 bucks. not bad.
then i thought of going to home club since heikal was already there.
live band performance. 12 bucks fee with 1 complimentary drink.
not that bad after all. it's been a while since i last went there.

i went home to change and i was kinda impressed with the quick journey
as there wasn't much of waiting for the train/bus. it was damn lucky cos
as soon as i alighted the train at the interchange, there would be the other one
that had just arrived; and my bus came soon after i reached the queue.
... or or or, time will just fly quickly if you're looking forward to something.

it was about eleven when syafiq and i reached the club.
we sort of lost our way when i wanna grab a bite at mac along boat quay.
the crowd was much better compared to the last time me and heikal went.
twohill was there and i almost got the feeling that he was the club's icon cos
he's 'working' by the ticketing booth (and he was there too the previous time).
i was glad he didn't sing that night. then again, why the fuck should he?

heikal's cute female friend was there too. pardon me for using "female friend"
cos using "girl (spaced) friend" should be meant for someone more
intimate/close and i wasn't sure they were as i had not seen her before;
and i don't wanna use "date" cos i didn't see it as one and perhaps
saying a "date" would make me feel guilty for crashing their "date".
i think i had enough of being guilty for that bloody day, you know.
wait a minute, maybe it's both - she's a girl friend and it was a date. fuck!

i didn't give a shit, to be frank. i mean, i wanna go there for the gig.
sadly we missed the first band and heikal said that that band was
better than the later one which we did manage to watch. another fuck!
the latter was sort of the typical local indie type and i think the originals
were very much inspired from an indonesian band named radja
cos the tune and the beat and the singing were... well, similar.

after three drinks (one of them was syafiq's which he didn't want in the end)
and looking at the odd dances on the floor, i decided to join in.
the moves were actually easy when i tried and i had fun. really, i did.
syafiq kinda spoilt the mood cos he didn't wanna dance and i didn't blame
him cos you know, i'm a mature guy and i give people benefit of the doubt.
we went off earlier then i had anticipated but that's okay cos
it's a fucking study week and i'm supposed to be mugging like the rest.

...but i had fun. heikal wasn't expecting me to be, err, more spontaneous
on the floor and thought i had been preparing those dances at home.
haha, i was about to laugh (or i did laugh) but no, i didn't rehearse.
like i said, i just watched the crowd moves and gave a try.

it would be a good feeling when the some of them follow the move,
and you soon realise that the crowd is doing your move (well, not really
your move but you are doing it then.) and you too are doing theirs.
that just how the whole thing works, right? the indirect social interaction.

so i had fun. yes, i know i had said that many times. i just enjoyed it.
well, that's if you're like me who's stuck in the exam weeks. =S

oh yea, i'm starting to write more and there's no valid reason why.
so heikal, you have to get used to it. same goes for the rest of you,
whoever that read this humble blog of mine. smile always and safe sex.

young folks

2007-02-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

"peter, bjorn and john" is another new band (that i just got to know of).
their "young folks" is kinda catchy, i think, especially with the whistle.
i'd watched some of their live performances and they were ~okay~.
to be frank, the female singer sucks big time when singing live.

the thing is, the reason i like this song is because it seems easy to play,
and also, it sort of brings the whole raw feeling of the genre, you know.
i wouldn't mind listening this in some pub or club, just to be relaxed.
...alright, i'm already bored of this song after listening for 5 times.

young folks by peter, bjorn and john

if i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you

usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one will surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going too
we can stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
talking only me and you

talking only me and you
talking only me and you

mascots and puppets

2007-02-01T03:45:00.000+08:00

i felt like shit waiting for my friends the whole afternoon
even though 'speaking with an angel' was there for me.
(you should read nick hornby's books. one word - hilarious!)
few more days to the bloody papers that i know nothing about
and there i was at bugis, killing the time without any notes with me.
fuck - and i cursed myself as if that f-word was part of my breathing.

i really didn't mind spending time alone. really, i don't.
furthermore i needed to be alone cos my life had been revolving
around whining people and lately, i could not take it anymore.

it's very fucking contradicting when people complain about
their life, this and that, and they are not doing anything about it at all;
or worst, they are not doing anything at all but they're complaining.
(i don't know - there's a difference to me. it's kinda like a chronological
thing, if you know what i mean, and the latter irks me most.)
ok, i find myself as one some times but seriously, i can't fit in their group.

there were times when i had the urge of shouting at their face,
(or rather just asking actually but my mind was screaming then)
what they're gonna do about it. you should know the reply, but i'm
gonna tell you anyway. "haiya, never mind lah. do also for what only."
i would rather hear the beatles singing "let it be" than a meaningless whine.

to me, there is always a solution to a problem even though
it doesn't have much impact to it. the thing is, you'll make the effort and
to me, if you're not doing anything about it, you don't have the right to whine.
a remedy is like a full stop to a whine and frankly the sentence-of-complaint
sounds much nicer, in fact more melodious, than an empty sigh.

anyways, i went to the stadium after four hours reading a book in a library.
the match was worth it, really. it was a mixture of many feelings and
the atmosphere there was mad. it's very different from watching it in tv
cos there are two worlds when you're witnessing a match in a stadium;
i present to you, the worlds of the spectators and the players.

ok, fine. things do happen in the living room but god knows what
and you have to agree with me that it's much livelier seeing the play
with thousands of people in a same open building cheering and jeering.
i was wearing a bloody red tee (seriously the colour is like a fresh blood)
and the others are too (just usual red but mine's nicer. ha. ha.)

the thai team once tried to boycott the match just now cos
the foul which resulted to a penalty for the lions was controversial.
i found such reaction by the thai kinda immature. think about it:
they were in a draw then and would end up losing 2-1 BUT
such stupid action could lead them to a forfeit of losing 3-0 instead!
they should have just continued and trash the lions in the 2nd leg. haha.
they had done the first step and next's up will be on the coming saturday.

on the way back home a guy suddenly talked to me about the match
as we were waiting for our lift. it was a short one though but somehow
it made my day, you know, cos such encounter was very rare, i think.

i was about to play 'command and conquer' when my long lost cousin
started to talk to me on the msn. her name is dini and i didn't know
her full name, and i didn't wanna ask her yet cos she knew mine.
plus, she said i'm cute. the last time she saw me was at a cemetry
during our granddad's funeral. i didn't notice her. in fact, i didn't
recognise anyone cos the thing is, i wasn't close to my mom's side.
all thanks to the freaking conflicts among our parents. thanks a lot.

she's fun to talk to but kinda sad that she's not that cute... oh well.

free hugs campaign

2007-01-26T23:35:00.000+08:00

freehugscampaign

"Sometimes, a hug is all what we need.
Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann,
A man whos sole mission was to reach out
and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.

In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact,
the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

As this symbol of human hope spread accross the city,
police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED.
What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity
come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign,
PASS THIS TO A FRIEND and HUG A STRANGER!
After all, IF you can reach just one person..."

wait - there's more.

"How it all started:

I'd been living in London when my world turned upside down and I'd had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles. No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown.

Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me. To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me.

So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words "Free Hugs" on both sides.

And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling.

Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven't compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile even for a moment, is worth it every time."

not too far off

2007-01-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

"democracy is not a state in which people act like sheep"

-mahatma ghandi

yea yea yea... i'm supposed to say that
i'm not pointing my finger at anyone.

help

2007-01-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

"Dear Mohamed Shukri,

Thank you for meeting with the SSTA Committee to discuss
your qualifications for the internship position.

We were fortunate to have several qualified candidates apply for this
position. We talked with each of the top candidates and after careful
consideration, we have determined that the credentials of another
candidate are a better fit to the needs of the organisation.

Please accept our best wishes and thank you for your interest in
SSTA.

Cordially,

Kevin Yeo
Deputy Head Finance Dept
SSTA"

in other words, they are saying "loser. you're not good enough."
well, fuck you.

i remember saying that i was 70% sure of getting into the company.
it was actually 60% and frankly it did make a lot of difference.
60% is (much) closer to a 50-50 chance, which is a yes-or-no luck.
i wrote 70% thinking that i should hope for the best. it didn't work
somehow cos there was always an urge to change it to 60%.

i couldn't sleep last night, mainly because of the doses of coffee,
the excitement of looking at benny's reaction towards
man utd losing a match against arsenal (i won $7.50 worth of bet),
and also the drive of finishing the book 'high fidelity', which i did.
the interview result did come across my mind at times. rarely.
maybe i was too confident. maybe that 70% did work. fuck that 70%!

so i deleted the mail and tried to cheer myself up.
i had more meals than usual but had never been full.
bought the exact same bracelet as the one i had lost in a mosque.
chatted with supernen in msn, hoping for some encouragement.
(and maybe i'll just call miss hanabanana right after logging out.)

"i'm not getting enough attention and i think i need some help."
wow. i can't believe i did type that, and i'm not gonna delete
the sentence, mainly because i did mean what i had said/typed.
ok ok, partly. i'm not referring to fame when i said 'attention' but
rather just a one-to-one mature conversation. yes. maybe.
miss shrink wanted; about my age will be fine. =)

desperate moments, desperate measures.

2007-01-20T21:23:00.000+08:00

6.0 - that's what i have graded for myself and
there is nothing to do with my humble self-esteem.
i'm just trying to be realistic for god's sake. sigh... well
the rating is basically based on main factors such as
my income, level of education, eq and iq, and of course,
the proportion of my body which i think 'pulled' me down most.
it's a very fair judge to me. you can roughly know yours now.

i had an interview for the coming itp in the morning and
i think i had just blew it away. the regret is still killing me.
didn't do my homework in knowing about the company beforehand
and so you could have guessed what had happened
in the poor lit room. such lighting was intendedly used
to make the compartment seemed smaller and i was already
suffocating for air, especially during the intense moments.
even so, i had managed to pull it off and that leaves me
a 70% chance of being among the chosen fifteen.

there was a funny but humiliating experience on my way home
from work just now. i was sitting in the mrt, reading a new book
i borrowed from the library called 'high fidelity' by nick hornby
(i had just realised that it was screened in the year 2000. FUCK!
heikal claimed hornby as an author who writes like tony parsons.
so far, i'm convinced and starting to like his books.)

anyways, two minahs were standing in front me. soon after,
a group of mats aboarded the train and stood next to the girls.
both minahs did not hide their interest towards the mats at all and
here's the amusing part: one of the girls literally sang and/or
danced to most of the songs played loudly by the mats. really!
she even ground against a pole and/or her girlfriend. what-the-fuck!

such unexpected sight is rare and i was about to burst out laughing.
holy shit, i was so glad to get a hold of myself then and just smiled.
she had won the joke-of-the-month award. wa caya sama lu ah!

i hate clowns

2007-01-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

i hate clowns and partly was afraid of them too.
the fear started back then when i was a kid
watching a late night blockbuster called "IT".
that IT killed all or almost every one in the movie.
plus, eating kids was its favourite, i think.

IT was a devil in disguise of a clown. typical clowns.
those that put on a small red spherical nose, and have
a pair of exaggerated wide red lips. plus, the clowns'
face skin is so white - proving an image of pure innocence.
they can express themselves easily; smiling, sulking etc.

... and that troubles me. you can't really tell what is in
their mind. they laugh and they joke but they may just
eat you alive unexpectedly. now, who has the last laugh?

clowns are regarded as a bunch of pitiful fakers in my eyes.
be it the IT which had sneaked into my childhood nightmares,
or the balloon artist who works at my branch every weekend.
all, i repeat, all of them forced themselves to smile.
i've yet to meet one who could present a sincere grin.
...or maybe i had already forgotten about such encounter. heh.

hafiz and i have been doing a couple of amusing stuff at work.
homour is much appreciated when boredom sets in.
last week's was a game from whose line is it anyway.
each of us try to act out something with only one prop -
a pair of balloons twirled around each other. it's rated as nc16.

the ugly clown worked today. his face looks rough
and never bother to put any make up to cover the pimples.
fucking inconsiderate clown. scaring the kids away.
somehow i feel that my hatred for him is actually pure jealously.
he has a cute/hot girlfriend. she wasn't there today. sigh.

another type of roadshow

2007-01-13T23:44:00.000+08:00

and there's another company accepting students for itp -
global space and technology convention (gstc).
no, wait. it's not actually a company but an organisation,
which means that it's rather called a small group,
made up of several undergrads and a few postgrads.
mr sara (repeatedly) said that the group is growing.
oh, another thing - no salary will be given.

still, i took the offer. the experience would be priceless, i think.
besides, the jobscope is kinda interesting - more business-related
and something i wouldn't really expect to see myself doing while
i'm pursuing for license of aircraft engineer (lae) in the near future.

working for a roadshow company has opened another path
for me to choose. i've already had the thought of
working in the marketing sector of aerospace industry
after/during getting a degree in aerospace engineering or lae.
thus, i'm not having any regret of joining gstc for my itp for now.
i was even told that we could work as part-timers after the itp.
(okay, the word "work" should include a pay too, right?)

i won't lie to myself to see only the bright side of gstc, and
expect the tasks to be somewhat exciting and challenging
as stated on the stack of the proposal prepared by them.
it would be slack and boring but i do hope for the otherwise.

let's not have the "what the fuck was he thinking?" look.
i'm giving away a chance of working for a company,
which could pay at least 500 bucks monthly, to those
who has not got any offer yet. for those who will/tend to
mock me, think again. i could have taken your slot. =)

oh my god. what a modest move.
somehow i've got the feeling that
modest and stupid are synonymic.
...and the difference would be
a pat on the back or a smack to my face.
oh bien.

promising suckers

2007-01-11T01:54:00.001+08:00

itp at siaec is cancelled and i think i'm screwed.
there is no news from any aerospace company. yet.
somehow it's kinda obvious that chances are low.

i really don't wanna join any unrelated industry
such as the bloody rumour of 7-Eleven and GV.
holy fuck. no, it won't happen to me. no. no. no.

the back-up plan would be working for my workplace.
at least i'll be earning much more than 500(min) bucks.

argh. blood suckers are already with a good post.
so it's true then - sucking up does help.

for a second or 2

2007-01-08T02:40:00.000+08:00

i came across a strange sight in the sky last evening.
there was bright luminious green object flying across the dark
for a short while - like a shooting star BUT i don't think it was.
it travelled in a very slow speed as compared to other meteor dusts,
leaving traces of specks as the disintegrating object fell to ground.

i looked at my watch, trying to take note of the exact time.
hmm... seven for-ty? no. thirty-seven? no... err shit. fuck!
it might be a shot from a homing gun, i thought.
still, the motion didn't match that of the homing beacon.
worst case senario would be a missile. i mean, really -
come to think of it, it's more like the missiles in the news two nights ago.
my mind went silent for a second or two after the object was nowhere
in sight, hoping to hear a loud explosion soon. damn, nothing.

what a boring way to end my night. oh bien.

by march

2007-01-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

the 3d2n stay was somewhat ok - if not, "good" - because
i had bloody forked out 90 bucks on the first night.
could not take it as a money well spent as i didn't even eat
nor drink much then... except alcoholic drinks - not beer. heh.
so i was more thrifty during the rest of the stay as it wouldn't
be wise to give away the remaining 50 easily for nothing.

anyways, i had just passed prac 5 (evaluation circuit) this evening.
since the theory test is on the february 1st, i'm gonna use the
coming weeks revising, and that includes my studies for exams.

with three practicals left, i'm more determined to get a bike by march.
the feeling having a girl passenger is very much looked upon to.
speaking of which, my birthday is nearing fast as the first two
months will suppositely fly by swiftly due to exams.

i am hoping to celebrate my birthday with a girl (space) friend.
she has to plan the date and i'll just do the appreciating.
...and if i'm lucky to get a bike by then, i'll help with the travelling.
pretty hard to find my type of girl for now but i'm starting to.

oh well. back to my reports.

your static friction

2006-12-31T03:09:00.000+08:00

so there's this sudden surge of longing growing this holiday.
it's like a freaking time bomb; mix of emotions nucleating slowly
and waiting for the right moment to extravasate within me.
i am actually dying for an attention from a girl (and maybe THE
would perhaps be more apt if i were to actually see someone,
but i'm not) and somehow at this point of time, this feeling sucks.

i do meet up with a couple of girls at some point of time
and frankly, i don't call it as a date but rather as catching up.
these girls are the people of the past - they are not my exes but
those whom i was not close to (or even talk back in those days)
- and ones i just got to know recently. this catching up started off
early this year when i learnt a lesson - there is no harm asking.

it began well, i guess. a girl was working just opposite my roadshow.
we exchanged smiles as if we were telepathising. the tingling
sensation was funny - i was like a shy boy who enjoys being noticed.
towards the end of the 7-day roadshow, i realised i had to do more.
so i pulled up my balls and walked up to her, simply asking her
to join me for dinner. unexpectedly, she accepted,"oh, okay".

we began dropping by each other's lot more often and
i got her number on the last day of the roadshow. all went off well
until we could not fix a date to meet up. you know, catching up. haha.
i was nice to ask her out first but three times she tried to postponed,
even the days that she had them planned. she was even apologetic.
last minute stuff, we call it. what ever it was, she was striked out.

during the previous semester, i held rules for this game, strongly.
when i meet a girl, i would give two weeks of probation,
starting from the day i get her contact. eg email, cell number.
during this fornight, i'll play a couple of tests. easy ones.
above all, she has three chances if she fails me.

three strikes and she's out. it may seem i'm acting as if
i'm one hell of a somebody that makes girls go gugu-gaga.
...but in full conscious i know that i'm not. honestly, i am very nice.
many take probation for as short as one week, or even a weekend.
regarding the strikes, the mistakes made are major ones, the turn offs.
anyways, rules are meant to be broken nowadays. they are ceased.

bloody hell, i know that i am not a good catch.
working every weekend just to add $360 to my monthly allowance.
- which i find it pathetic and i'll try to find another company
as we all know that i am sorely underpaid. what a pity.
let's not talk about work right now. back to the topic of this entry.

so this desire to be with someone has been confusing.
i want to sit next to a girl, watching tv or even bitch about the world,
and on that spot where we might hug and maybe kiss.
at that point of time i would feel more alive, no doubt.
then comes a slap to my face reminding myself that even so,
i am not really interested in having any relationship at all,
because i find them troublesome - the prices to pay,
and one of them is i can't no longer do the catching up.

"you just need to get laid", my friends told me.
haha. happy new year.

total 90 shift

2006-12-26T23:24:00.001+08:00

ohh yea. now, let's play football.

major

2006-12-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

You scored as Psychology. You should be a Psychology major!

Philosophy

100%

Psychology

100%

Linguistics

92%

English

92%

Biology

92%

Engineering

92%

Mathematics

83%

Dance

83%

Sociology

83%

Anthropology

83%

Theater

83%

Art

75%

Journalism

67%

Chemistry

67%

elongated wait

2006-12-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

ok. i've passed prac 4 today but i'm not over the moon like always.
mainly because i'm in this complex situation.. argh, ok. i am stuck.
i need to pass the riding theory test (rtt) to qualify for prac 6.
...and my rtt is on the february 1st. ooooh fuck.
by simple calculation, i have a month to do prac 5.
one month; 31 days; 744 hours. that is freaking long.

so i did some basic yoga (short nap) to calm myself down before
i sat on my very comfortable sofa to think with a more open mind
- a month of waiting isn't that bad after all (right?).
i would just get through with prac 5 and the rest will be for revision.
plus, i would have more time for studies which i almost forgot. heh.

compliments for the fouth

2006-12-21T18:58:00.000+08:00

just passed my prac 3 during my fourth try. FOUR TIMES!
this time, i was the only one in the group who made it through.
somehow i feel that the bike i was riding then was a good one.
really, and i meant it well. the acceleration is perfect.
so i made the s-turn at the figure-8 lane nicely and smoothly.
that was commented by the conductor. well i had it FOUR TIMES!

makes me wonder what the fuck i was doing during the 1st 3 tries.
totally waste of money.

she says,"after all it's december"

2006-12-21T00:11:00.001+08:00

this is very disturbing. i'm feeling more bored than ever.
two tv's in my house are down. yes. fucking both of them.
i'm in the mood to watch tv the whole of this week before
i lay my hands on the school notes. yes. exams coming.
plus, there's christmas around the corner and i've no plans yet.
preferably not planning to at all... cos i'm broke. yes. no money.
ok. don't talk about the new year's celebration.

this three-week break is too short for me.
the 1st week is supposed to be a hybernating week.
that includes watching tv and eating mom's cooking.
...but mom is in overseas and i'm already missing her food.
as a matter of fact, it's seldom of me to have home cooked meals.
i would always be out every day... schooling or working.
hah. i need some quality time with my mom. ok ok.
i'm not that much of a family person. i just need some money.

next week is sort of a contradicting.
thought of mugging during the festive week.
there's much catching up that needs to be done.
i thank mr sara for highlighting many pointers in his module.
that would save a lot of time and burden.

last but not least... THE 3rd week... chalet!
and i must club, go for gigs, and whatever outdoor activities
i've been itching to do, of which includes rockclimbing.
i don't want my shoes left on the rack to rot.

weekly preparation for bike license has been a chore lately.
repetition of lessons is demoralising. very so actually.
i would also have to practise for my theory test.
this whole thing gonna take a long time due to the test date and myself.
i can't much blame the raining season. so i consider myself a slow learner.
fucking hell. what a silly statement. i wasn't like this in secondary school.

people are asking me out on weekends and i have to plainly reject.
i apologise. i'm working cos i need the money
and it's really shitty burning my weekends just for work.

so you've heard - raining season is over.
so smile, my dear friends.

original thinker

2006-12-20T03:21:00.001+08:00

i don't like blog hopping and it's particularly because
i would chance upon entries that i wanna talk about in my blog.
so i will regret for such encounters and won't write about it.
...and if i do, i would feel as if i'm their replica at the end of the day.
worst, realisation always strikes... that bitching the same topic is normal.

well, i thought i'm different. heh.

display name is dname

2006-12-19T02:10:00.000+08:00

you know, i have 295 people on my msn contact list and
on the average, there would be about 80 of them online at one time.
i mean, wow. i find it hard to believe that i have that many.

ok ok. most of them are ones i got to know through
leadership trainings back then during the secondary school days.
some are work colleagues... seminar friends... primary schoolmates...
and this goes on and on and it continues as i'm getting involved into new stuff.

so i have different types of people on my list (supposingly).
...and what interest me most are the display names.
it's like strolling down a broadway full of signs brighting with neon-lightings.
to me, diplay name is like a short advert about one's life.

a few praise their love while others curse it instead.
a couple of us make rhetoric phrases; hoping to be seen as wise.
less than five just put up their proper calling name and funnily, there are
even those who have their dname as part of indirect message for someone.

been there. done that.

to mr claus

2006-12-15T00:39:00.000+08:00

IF santa does exist, along with his chariot and reindeers,
and also the trademark laughter of "ho-ho-ho!",
there would be at least three special socks hung in my balcony.

they are for
1) a gilera bike vxr 200cc,
2) an ibook (intel core 2 duo) or ibm's, and
3) any canon slr camera.

those would make a complete set for my mobile guide.
i will roam around singapore (including johor) and
shoot candid moments of places i have not yet explored.

back to reality and i have to make a choice.
to choose one only. i guess it would be a bike.
i need santa... or a rich girlfriend. kidding.
then again... hmm...

gilera vxr 200cc

2006-12-10T23:57:00.001+08:00

like a sex slave

2006-12-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

don't go around pleasing every one.
it's worst than a whore. at least she's paid.
find a corner and fuck yourself.

you're used.

2006-12-08T01:29:00.000+08:00

fucking hell. somehow i regret buying the grey vest from muji.
such price is a rip off for a student earning only about $360 monthly.
so i'm broke again, and have still not paid my bills and loan from mom.
another revolution of poverty cycle. back to square one. no surprise.

anyways, mr sara gave my class a piece of advice about (working) life:
"...you have know that you can't please every one all the time.
while someone is happy over something, the other would suffer.
...it's the fact of life. ...most who fail to realise it don't succeed in life."

i was nodding in agreement. life is never fair. sad, but true.
we know that achieving an equilibrium is impossible;
no matter how much effort is put in. still, many try.

just like a thin kid sharing a pie with an obese friend.
would the portion come in halves or rather proportional to
their own respective sizes? or maybe
in terms of how the kid regard his friend as?
which will turn out to be an absolute win-win outcome?

sometimes, being neutral is a good thing to me. i'm safe.
why i would sit with another clique during class;
why i would chat with a guy whom others don't wanna talk to; etc.
most of the time, i will figure out how they would be of my use.
at the end of the day, my "resource" has expanded. heh.

life is like business. don't get too personal.

"i think what happened was anytime i was desirous of anything
there was always this sense that somehow my receiving was going
to deprive someone else. it took a long time to learn that
the universe doesn't operate that way."
- jane bluestein. the aladdin factor.

i got the thinking that this entry is like rojak.
my brain is half in use, or that's just what i'm feeling now.

rock never die!

2006-12-07T01:46:00.000+08:00

it's rather disappointing not having many friends who go for gigs.
rock; art, acid, punk, progressive...what ever have you. beat it!
i'm in; to nod my head rhythmically, back and forth, and sometimes sideways.

one good thing about this genre is you don't really have to dance.
a simple swaying of your body may just fit in the mood.
so does "hopping" - which is actually a repetition of tip-toeing up and down.

the last gig i went was baybeats 2006 at the esplanade.
poptart was spinning a collection of catchy rock songs; now and then.
i didn't really expect any activity that includes grooving but
found myself being in the crowd just as the first song was played.
frankly, i remember signalling the seated audience to join me.

didn't manage to catch unpopular-radio at the home club tonight.
the only thing i could salvage was to listen via live stream using itunes.

just started working on another plane accident report.
the event occurred on may 26, 1991, at phu khao kao chan, thailand.
the lauda air flight 004 boeing 767 experienced unexpected
failure to its left engine thrust reverser. the funny thing is
such thrust reverser is designed for ground operation only.
there is no plausible reason causing failure of the thrust reverser.

surya-ni

2006-11-26T01:16:00.000+08:00

"abang (brother) shukri, take a card,"
suryani requested with confidence yet her eyes revealed
full concentration while carrying out her show.

i looked at the deck and i was surprised; the plausible ratio of
tricks using uno to poker cards is well, one to "too many".
so i played along with a genuine interest shown on my face.
i choose a card and had a glanced of it - 7 green... 7 green...

she put the card back into the deck and shuffled, not expertly
but enough to do it thrice without any falling off from her hands.
i checked her moves for any simple technique such as double lift.
hey, she knows double lift. i had taught her some easy card tricks.
being more amazed, she didn't use any of those this time.

my ten year old sister browsed out the cards and
simply drew one out - 7 green. fuck. she got me there. really.
i asked her to do it again, which seemed more like a beg instead.
she agreed but instantly shrugged when i wanted to put
the chosen card back into the deck myself.
ahhh... then i realised i had missed it.

i love her for successfully making me her victim.
we seldom talk like before. maybe it's the pre-puberty thingy.
frankly, i do hope that she won't be a minah. i pray about it.
minah is a term for a malay female delinquent
who does not give a fuck about their future and/or life.
so far, she has shown no sign of walking towards that path.

jason x

2006-11-24T02:21:00.001+08:00

ok. i turned on the tv, hoping to watch a late night movie.
so i switched to the local ch5 and had a bite of curry chicken.
the movie had just started then. feeling lucky, i thought the
show might be good and wouldn't mind delaying my sleep.

it began with one sentry guarding a full body chained prisoner.
he was intimidated by the staring eyes of the masked captive.
the hockey mask... kinda familiar... holy shite! it's jason!
jason, the invincible cursed man who kills anyone in his way.
with the chicken strips still in my mouth, i swore.
that bloody guy is in the future, time when spaceships exist!

oh boy. he really needs to be gone. just like chucky.
we should have new character, with an un-nonsensical theme.
one who we could worship as the evil god of blockbuster.
plus, there has to be an ending, as in an end to the movie.
no more sequel even though three will do for very good ones.

somehow the never-ending sequels actually depends
on the storyline. yes. basically that is it. storyline.
the marginal line that draws for us to choose:
a wanna-watch-again fling or fucked up face of post 2-hr sleep.

scraped.

2006-11-22T02:22:00.000+08:00

it has been a stupid week so far. correction; i have been the one,
idiot, loser and/or whatever words that are apt to describe me.
did two papers this week, fof and camm, and i could barely pass them.

i laughed in regret thinking of the time i was doing the papers then.
i was staring at the questions, clueless. nothing much in came into mind.
so i read them repeatedly. too many times i think.
subconsciously i expected the questions to fade into simpler ones.
or maybe i was hoping an answer would pop out suddenly. maybe.

still, great relief came over soon after i stepped out of the lab.
self-assurance bade me to move on.
the fusion wasn't wholly but enough to scrape off the guilt in me.
ahh.. the guilt of not studying for the tests.

(not relating to anything mentioned above) i'm feeling more solitary.
no, no one is deserting my company, i think... but that is not the point.
what i'm saying is i'm not enjoying myself with the people around me.
it's not them. it's me. i don't feel right/comfortable like before.
before the time i think i'm no longer what i was, and it's irreversible, sadly.
i did try to be a blindspot hoping i could find the reason why.

"...why (are) everything ~~all like~~ against me..?"

kenji-san complained after he learnt that
he couldn't meet a girl due to an itp talk this wednesday.
ok. there were also other things that made him to say that.

"you sounded like an emo punk blaming
other things in life but not his own."

i replied. somehow i felt as if i was that lost emo punk,
or something like that. actually, of a different genre.
i would think of what the fuck is wrong with me.
miss hanabanana reminded me once or so -
appreciate little things in life. well, i'm still trying to try. heh.
i am content with life right now but well...
the boost of shiokness has not been kicking in.

anyways, i'm reading "envy" by kathryn harrison. the only similarity
between this novel and fantasy books by david gemmell is sex, period.
"sex book," i would say while someone is reading the synopsis.
no, it isn't porn. just a contemporary life of a (western) adult.
a little bit like tony parsons's collection of "man and boy".

one leg kicking

2006-11-13T01:17:00.000+08:00

it has been a while since i last watched a football match.
now i'm witnessing a duel between arsenal and liverpool.
time of match is13:54. no goals yet.

a model's voice suddenly came into my mind saying,
"i don't get it why men love football so much.
it's just all about 22 men chasing after one ball."

i sighed. what a woman.
that won't get you any near the beauty pageant's tiara, dear.
don't say "world peace" if you can't understand us men.

here are some interesting and logical things about the 22-men-match:
[1] good sportsperson tends to have good body that makes you gugu-gaga.
[2] playing together with 11 men on your team is challenging sometimes.
[3] the goal post is as wide as 8m but scoring more than 5 goals is a rarity.
[4] look at how agile and tricky we can be during the game. put it in sex.
[5] yes, we are physically rough. then again, that is what makes us men.

i find her obliviousness to see the big picture of the sport a turn-off.
for that, you won't get my vote as well as many guys.
plus, i think you have just pissed some women off with your bimbo thinking.
i'm not asking the females to love football. just understand the game.
for that, we'll try to understand you, especially when you're in bikini.

paperwork

2006-11-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

this skinny god says

2006-11-09T00:53:00.000+08:00

funnily, many free-thinkers believe in existence of ghosts
despite the fact that they do not have faith in any religion.
no, i'm not mocking any of them. it just sounds like an irony to me.

do take note that i'm not implying you should have a trust in god(s) just
because you saw a bloody pontianak flying near your house last night.
nor would i tell you there is only one hope of solution - exorcise it
with chanting of prayers; be it islamic, christian or buddhistic.

let me declare first that i'm not a pious guy and
frankly i am not hyped about issues like "hantu" and sorcery.
maybe it is because i have not experienced any at all
(and am not looking forward to any of those anyway).

you know and i know there are still many religions and cults here
in this world of the 21st century. heck, we are using christian calendar.
in each of most beliefs, comes a doctrine about spirits.
thus, in total, many different types of exorcism are being practised.

a possessed one can be cured by
[1] a healer of its own belief,
[2] more than likely, depending on which religion the sprite is in, or
[3] a psychiatrist, which is much recommended by me.
how... queerly can this be.

reminded me of an incident in my house whereby a cousin of mine
was possessed in the late of the night:
there had been quarrels then and we all knew that she was the one
who caused the troubles. i guess she sensed it too.
suddenly, she was not herself; sometimes staring out of the window.
we then brought her to the living room and tried to "exorcise" the spirit.
meanwhile i was there witnessing the drama unfold and
thought to myself, "what a fucking cheap way to seek innocence!"
there were other similar happenings in my former school.
the same chains of event. the same girls. the~ attention seekers.

let's play spirit of the coin and you will be the victim...
nah. we should just stick to sharing ghost stories instead.
speaking of which, sfogs.com had been hacked and gone.
that's a clever witchcraft by someone.

my timeline

2006-11-08T10:15:00.000+08:00

procrastination at its best
and time is running out.
one word. fuck.

by simple trigo

2006-11-08T01:29:00.000+08:00

through an msn conversation with hong seng about an camm assignment.

that is how semangat i can be when
there is a need for better understanding.
(semangat = enthusiatic/focused) i think.
good job, mr shukri. proud of you.

the last ball

2006-11-07T02:23:00.000+08:00

i was blog hopping and came across the word "cried".
suddenly i remembered myself weeping in my former school.
ouh shite. couldn't figure out why i was doing so.
let's do some flashback and find the cause.

a little about the secondary two boy:
mohamed shukri was in green uniform (with very short pants) and
a hairstyle which he self-proclaimed it as "spa; side-parting armani."
he was doing well in both student council and ncc and
there was no doubt he knew he would end up as the big fuck in any cca.
so he paved his way and chose ncc as his main priority.
as expected, he couldn't quit the council due to his modest records.
in an outmost degree of stupidity, he frustrated the vice-principal
and somewhat got his acceptance of resignation.

accounting the vivid memory of event by hypothesis with probability:
his batch could never work along with those of a level higher.
there would always be (deliberate) miscommunication.
sometimes he wondered the council might just break up.
then came an project due in few days' time and its progress was very disappointing. the seniors were busy playing basketball while the juniors struggling for assistance.

so he walked up to the "leader" begging for him to wake up
and realise that there were more important things than
dribbling his balls into the net. other people were there too.
shukri got emotional and let his tears fall. he cried.
the task was completed days earlier.

i'm such a weird guy.
would tear when overly angerred.

photograph-me

2006-11-06T02:24:00.000+08:00

i cannot be photogenic no matter how much i had tried.
still, i believe everyone has at least one right angle of shoot.
i'll be experimenting mine. will be using for an assignment anyway.

the fact of me not having a good set of teeth somewhat
psyche me to pose with a firm/serious/boring face.
i have a pair of eye bags due to a self-proclaimed insomia.
i do think a lot, even though i'm on my bed...

damn. i'm high on tonic. shite.

young executive

2006-11-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

got to go

2006-11-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

so i met her again, my imaginary friend.
this time her wings were longer
but its feathers attenuating.
then, i realised, that hathor was dying.

the mistress smiled to me, i think, even though sometimes
she addressed me by someone else's name.
her innocent brown eyes showed regret suddenly
as tears flowed slowly yet with grace.

i managed to ask goddess a last question
before the calling of death upon her;
why i was chosen to leave this world along with her.

art attack. love edition.

2006-11-04T01:57:00.000+08:00

le raine asked me what was the most romantic thing that happened
during my past relationships. can't deny that i couldn't remember much.
...or rather i wouldn't consider it as THE most romantic.
so i asked her back while my mind was busy thinking of one.

it turned out that we had about the same answer.
in fact, sometimes, i agreed to the similarities we had shared.
however, it seemed as if i was trying to prove we are compatible
or to imply that i had been there and done that. no, it's neither.
i was simply out of ideas. what a joke. yet it was true.
cursing myself while i couldn't think of a better way to answer.

couldn't set my mind straight. she's a mature and gorgeous girl.
so that's where the whole thing went wrong, i supposed.
i was just too memorised by her. she would be a good friend.

had a very short nap on the way home.
dreamt of a month-sary gift i had made for one of my ex's.
it was a puzzle encryption which can be rotated so that
each symbol of the password will lead to a character,
thus forming a message for her; " i_love_you".
credits to the a programme show called art attack.

speaking of which, i miss designing things.
have not completed the graphics on my shoes.
e-learning aka 1-week holiday had just started.
yes, i was smiling so wide that my cheeks tensed.
i need at least one 8-hour sleep before school commences.

blame no one

2006-10-30T00:32:00.000+08:00

yea, i know. i'm not much aware about current talkabouts.

somehow i feel that the media is overboard in this issue.
well, never ever underestimate the power of it.
the last hu-ha with the expense of media in singapore and www
was the controversial tammy video. i hope she's ok now.

i can talk about how racist a lecturer in my polytechnic is
after several incidents me and my friends were treated.
then suddenly the next tnp (the new paper) issue would be
about people condemning me or the lecturer.
worst, my blog will be told to shut down.

where is the existence of personal and freedom of speech?
thinking of it, even so, it totally depends on how lucky you are.
yeap. luck. can't think of a better word. sounds unfair, isn't it?
on the other hand, we have to know that by having to post in www, this
futher proves we are aware thus responsible for the content and outcome.

i had talked about this before last year for my crs presentation aka debate.
well, it was sort of a no-winner topic. couldn't result to a stand.
got a C+ for that module. haha. erm... fuck.

chain mail of raya

2006-10-29T20:47:00.000+08:00

posted this in friendster bulletin before im gonna start on my acc report.

"ok. you don't have to quickly scroll down to make
your insatiable wish nor should you forward this
to 1000 people or you will be jinxed for 365 years.

alright, let's start my balls rolling.

dear friends and friendster-users (whom i had
accepted their request out of boredom),

in this humble but ceremonious month of syawal (a
month of islamic calendar), i would like to take
this opportunity to seek forgiveness from those
whom i had offended; be it a minor
misunderstanding or an undesiring outcome due to
spite.

gone were the days aidilfitri happened to sync
together with my school holidays. now, some are
preparing for the coming A levels examination
while others could not find time to fix a date for
this festive outing with their friends.

so i'm using this bulletin wishing those,
whom i have not have the chance to keep in contact,
and most probably not be able to celebrate hari
raya with,
salam eid ul-fitri. all the best in life.

by the way, aidilfitri is not an islamic new year.
it's a month after 30 days of fasting (during
month of ramadhan).
i'm sure there are more to it. ask someone else.

so so so... be glad that you don't have to forward
this post to many, and cheer up as there is more
to it than just making a wish in front of the
screen. i'm still against those meaningless e-"fad".

i'm 100% huMAN and am not too troubled to let lame
questions determine the ratio of my active X & Y
chromosomes or so, my sexuality.

plus, i don't see a need of why some would
publicise about their current life by answering
questions without much of a choice. i'm very
curious; who wrote those questions? it's either
(s)he's a amateur psychiatrist or a psycho hoping
to know more about his/her "victim".

once again,
selamat hari raya.
pardon me if i had offended you and i think i had
just did to some.

peace.
make love (safe sex). no war (try)."

sigh...
the thought of procrastinating my report is annoying.

random spell

2006-10-27T22:20:00.000+08:00

always in the mood to compose a song when i blog. no kidding.
i would have the feeling of writing a poem/prose of which
inputting a music along in it turns out to be a better choice.

reality check:
yes, i don't have the voice;
yes, my guitar skill sucks;
yes, i do lack of good vocabulary.
still, the feeling of finalising a song,
no, even a verse, is very very satisfying.

don't really have much inspiration to write a lyric now
even though i've already made four instrumentals.
~~maybe it's because i have no one to sing for now. maybe.~~
what i meant was i need a purpose to make one.

“witch.

there she lays on the cliff of doubts,
to live or to die in shame.
if only there's a difference.

never thought being called insane.
from people she loves and hates,
so they are just but the same."

random.

sleeper

2006-10-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

had browsed through the whole of my blog entries.
kept asking myself if i had changed; for better or worst.
then again, what is good and bad?
just words of biasness depending on the circumstances.

things did happen for sure:
- applied for rsaf senior technician bond. denied.
- had a relationship. a short one.
- pc infected by an msn trojan. reformatted.
- tried to sell magnetic mattresses. lasted for a week.
- audio tapestry was born... and died soon after.
- got 2 $600 bank vouchers from a bursary. busted.
- did catching up with old friends. a few.
- accumulative GPA of 3.5. not enough to university.
- runner up of mr & miss mm. no comment.

i might have just sounded like i had lost a lot.
and/or most seemed to have ended in a bad note.
no, actually, i had won all.
for that, i stand tall and proud.
i thank the people for making me what i am today.
both winners and losers.

eye

2006-10-26T01:12:00.001+08:00

just started to wear specs i bought last monday.
gonna try to go with the nerdy look for awhile.

thinking of it, i'm starting not to forgive one guy even though
it was so passe and he would have already forgotten about it.
it was an accident anyway. was hospitalised for that.

the symptom has already been obvious. damn.
it's faster than i had expected.
there goes my future dream jobs.
still, think positive.

laugh medicine

2006-10-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

hari raya isn't islamic new year

2006-10-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

while some may think that this is just a normal practice during hari raya,
i believe there is more to that. i meant what i said then to my parents.
seeking forgiveness is difficult, i shall say. not entirely because of ego,
but other party would be the unwilling one to forgive or apologise.

this wouldn't be the only time i would do to my parents especially mom.
i'm more apologetic, and admit and accept my mistakes.
i guess my parents deserved more than that.
i'm starting to see them getting more tired these days.
then i started to realise that i am already 18.

had adult talks with some of my uncles and aunties.
sort of not prepared to that. it's not because the talk bored me.
they would be talking about work and family.
somehow i felt that i'm too young for these stuff.

my elder cousins who are just few years older look so stressed up.
oh, they too talked about work! complaints were common issues.

haiyo... hari raya liao. relax man...
oh ya. hari raya isn't islamic new year.
just a reminder to the non-muslims.

so don't wish "happy new year".
just say "selamat hari raya".
kinda cliche but cute when said by the non-malays.

syawal

2006-10-23T18:43:00.001+08:00

alright. takbir is commencing soon and
the month of syawal will arrive with released devils.

before that, i'm gonna take this opportunity to wish
all muslims eid mubarak (ul-fitri). bless you guys.
do forgive the sins i committed towards/with/against you.

i would like to thank my non-muslim friends for respecting
us during fasting month and will remember the times
some successfully caused us to break-fast. not their fault.

i had already planned what to have for the coming wed's lunch.
fish and chips or chicken cutlet with mango-milk juice.
holy... i'm still fasting at this hour.

once again...
salam lebaran.

D -9

2006-10-23T01:57:00.000+08:00

just leave the stuff to dust.
too lazy to clean my room.
selamat hari raya.

i think rwp is on the right track so far, yeap yeap yeap,
considering my group has one more week to presentation.
what left are uploading images and rephrasing the content.
not forgetting a little bit of touching up the design layout.

starting to find powerpoint a bore.
thought of "upgrading" myself to flash.
damn, should have went for the course years ago.

speaking of which; i realised many are microsoft office illiterate.
i'm being nice. i'm don't wanna say they are mac fool too. opps.

this reminds me of a roadshow i had few days back.
a middle-aged fio (first impression officer) of an hsbc branch
took a fucking long time to do the date entry (microsoft excel).
i would sneak and quickly type all of the remaining when he was away.
then he would be "surprised" and say,"oh, you've already typed them!".

come on, people. time to improve yourselves and be resourceful.
"the only way to go is up!"

mechlusion 06

2006-10-21T16:53:00.000+08:00

joining mr&miss mm contest wasn't that bad after all.
kinda enjoyed the dance and little bit of attention.
sadly the q&a part pulled me down. i didn't win.
got 2nd instead... but hey, it's not about winning.

no, i'm not bull shitting nor trying to win anything now.
the contest has already ended. so back to where i stopped:
many things happened before and during the mm day event.
i have made new friends from the contest.
seeing some of them being jeered just broke my heart.

yes, i'm more sensitive now. not emo though.
no longer the master sergeant mohd shukri who
had the never-say-die spirit and care less about emotions.
(fuck la. that's the reason why we got gold! what about now?
frankly i had changed some boys to matured boys then!)

ok ok... don't sidetrack...

so when asked what i want of all things in the world,
instead of saying what was from my heart then; that
i wanna have the last break-fast dinner with my late grandpa,
i told the audience to give some love to the contestants on stage
after a long jeering given to some of my poor friends.

so i blew it off. that i have no regrets still.
i sounded like a suck up cos i wasn't thinking straight. i was tired.
i was thinking about my late grandpa cos i wanted to talk about him.
i empathised the other few contestants.
fuck those coward who made a fool of us in the dark.
actually, i know who the fuck you guys are.

i thank my friends and others who came for the event.
appreciate those who voted for me.
thank you. xie xie. terima kasih. vanakum.

ok ok. i'm back at dating, i think. fasting month is ending fast. yes!
gonna book my bike lessons... at last! vroom vroom!
gonna be in this study group thingy... yes, it's true.
and other stuffs which are not allowed to be mentioned. =P
wow. my life is gonna be more busy. i'm loving it.

procrastination

2006-10-19T22:51:00.000+08:00

just realised it has been few days since i last posted.
ok. nothing really happened these days, i think.
i'm just feeling fucked up about things around me.

procrastination.
first, the haze has not been improving.
too many times i thought it was but the psi kept changing.
still, i'm just glad that my health isn't affected by it. yet.

procrastination.
i had to delay my bike lessons. a fortnight = two weeks = 14 days.
the excitement just died due to the coming mm day and hari raya.

procrastination.
composed two instrumental music this week.
aren't really completed cos i'm out of ideas.
actually there are more in "my own songs" folder.
none of them are techno or trance. that's for sure.

still thinking about her.
still looking for the day we could meet.
procrastination.

brown

2006-10-14T23:36:00.001+08:00

oh miss chocolate!

3rd gear stalling

2006-10-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

hmm... had the 1st bike prac lesson.
did the biting point, shifting gear and rounds.
there was no time to do the remaining.
so in a nutshell, we have to go for prac one again. fark!

the trainer said there should be repetition of prac 1 and 2.
an average person takes 3 or 4 prac 1s. 100mins is not enough.
somehow i got the feeling that they are just cheating our money.
still, i'm more confident that i'll pass the 1st lesson the next time.

couldn't find time for the four theory lessons
and prac one for this coming week.
there is no free slot for the prac anyway.
blame myself for being a nice ass for joining the mm day.

living log

2006-10-13T00:33:00.000+08:00

i'm still shaken by what happened to me be just now.
had a short nap in the evening while waiting for break-fast.
unexpectedly, i woke up realising that i can't move at all.
yes, that was not the first time though. still, it was the longest.

gave up after i failed trying to motion myself for some time. too tired.
then i thought about what i had just dreamt about;
i was flying then. i was calm. i was with her. ...i slept again.
reality struck me up and i still could not fucking move.

my mind was laughing."what a way to live in such a state at this age".
i'm gonna be paralysed at the age of 18...
with no vehicle license... no diploma nor a degree...
gonna live the whole miserable life as a virgin!
i will be a burden to my family... hope they would think of euthanasia.
i should have asked her out for a date.

panick aroused quickly and at last i was able to recover (awkwardly).
i lay on the bed with great relief. i felt more alive.
i was late for break-fast. my mom thought i was sleeping like a log.
hah. i don't wanna be a living log.

timetable

2006-10-12T00:41:00.000+08:00

i'm fucking tired right now.
had been going home late these days.
school. work. school. work.

i need some sleep but couldn't do so.
had been thinking of my late granddad and even dreamt of him.
other times i would be dreaming of a book i'm reading.
both dreams are obviously about death.

i was so wrong to hope i would be more alive when i awake.
had to wake up at six... five actually, for sahur.
damn sleepy instead. school's timetable sucks big time.
class starts at eight everyday except thurs.

zzz...out.

sesame street

2006-10-10T00:11:00.000+08:00

as true as it seems.

arwah ismail

2006-10-09T00:39:00.000+08:00

my maternal granddad had just passed away last night.
i believed that all of our hearts were relieved that he had finally gone.
no, we did not longed for his death but he had been suffering too long.
the disability to move and talk, as well as eating and soiling,
lasted for many months. not forgetting the cancers in him.

as i looked at him lying on the bed,
i wondered how nice he was to the people present in his life.
i was very glad that there was no commotion during the wake
among the siblings like always. the aura of death is but a bless.

bringing cigarettes along was indeed a good idea.
gave each a stick and my uncles would talk; about atuk.
then i realised how much i miss his chicken curry;
the spices were neither fine nor coarse. just nice.

i was honoured to be given some opportunities during the funeral.
the chance to learn. the chance to be involved.
being the only grandson to bathe my granddad
made me to be proud of myself. atuk was calm.
so i did my best to clean him with great respect.
after prayers, i managed to help carrying him to the grave.

no doubt there were times i felt like crying.
someone had just passed away in a blink of an eye.
even so, i thought that atuk deserved some peace,
especially leaving in the holy month of ramadhan.

like the imam had said,"he will be in deep sleep until syawal."
i hoped that he will be awaken with care by the other world.
plus, he will answer the questions that leads him to heaven. amin.

funnily, in the state of the moment, i had been thinking of her.
still do.

mobile jack

2006-10-06T23:51:00.000+08:00

just enrolled for a class 2b bike license! yipee!
going for all of the four theory lessons this coming week
as well as the first lesson of practical.

therefore, i would be left with a theory test,
of which i will do the week after,
and also the seven practicals (once a week).

ok. i know that i'm not gonna pass all practicals consecutively.
there would be some possibilities of repeating,
plus clashes of the timeslots with school.
even so, i should be getting the license with the p-plate
by end of this 12-week semester!

haha! after that, it's time for car license!
i just have to work my ass off now.

comfort driving centre

2006-10-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

alright la... this is it!
gonna register for bike license tomorrow
at ubi's comfort driving centre pte ltd.
at last. seven months passed since my birthday
and now i'm applying for just a class 2b.
kinda seem pathetic but it's never too late.

working has just became a compulsory thing.

check up on it

2006-10-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

drill the song into the mind and let the moves flow by themselves.
first is done... but somehow i feel the latter won't happen.

traffic

2006-10-03T00:23:00.000+08:00

if you are always the one-way talker,
i can't help but to wait for you.
other than that, life is on as per normal.

body stats

2006-10-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

did this during gem, etiquette and professional image.

the measurements aren't that accurate.
my height actually is much more than stated.
anyway, i suppose the ratio is more of a concern.

[1] Center = (Underarm to hip) / 2

[2] B = B0 + B1 + B2

[3]Analysis (body : legs)

[i] A+B > C (long body + short legs)
[ii] A+B < C (short body + long legs)
[iii] A+B = C (proportionate)

[4] Analysis (low/high waist)

[i] B1 > B2 (low waist)
[i] B1 < B2 (high waist)
[i] B1 = B2 (proportionate)

forgot about the neckline analysis but
i'm considered to have a long one.
it is measured from the jaw bone to the collar bone.

there is much to talk about this module.
have never been sleepy during the class.
well, it's better having it without own cliques.
for me, i'll tend to socialise more.

had a hair cut just now. i broke my own promise.
thought of keeping it long but it's
inconvenient when comes to taking care of it.
actually, short hair suits me more as my jaw will be more defined.
and my body will look less thinner than with a long hairstyle.

summon

2006-10-02T01:51:00.001+08:00

marry the pastor who stares at you every sunday.

awake

2006-10-01T06:39:00.000+08:00

had not been sleeping this weekend.
in this present tense, i'm still awake with
a couple of others involved in the psc camp.
the 2d1n event is sort of a post activity of gylc sarawak.

the only highlight that is worth talking about
would be matches of pool-captain's ball.
being autocratic led to the consistent winnings.

just like the previous entry,
i was a fool again towards the same person.
ha. ha. ha. fuck.
embarrassing? no. maybe.
however, i'm more concerned about what she would of me now.
that kinda sucks. still, it's exciting like hell.

i do hate nightwalks.
people try to scare the others,
hoping the victims would overcome such fear.
well, that's what they claimed.
on the other hand, most paranormal stories are told
in different way from each person, even though
they are actually the same.